starting over...

somewhere, along this journey
i lost my way
turning back
to pick up the pieces
but finding that
these pieces
had crumbled
into nothing
small as minuscule grains of sand
falling to my knees
ready to give up
wondering how in the world
will i put these pieces
back together
as a point of reference
to try and remember
who i was...
when i started this journey
i realize
that who i was
will always be a part
of who i am
buried under the rubble
of who i wasn't
supposed to be
so i got up
dusted myself off
and decided
to start over.

my drug of choice...

this drug
has been in my life
for decades
i just can't kick
this habit
i need her...
she's been in my life
so long
i can't leave her
the high that i feel
each time
i take a hit
over
and over
and over
trying to surpass
that first high
sometimes reaching it
sometimes not...
but always willing
to try again
i wake up in the middle
of the night
just to have her
she's probably been
the reason
for some of the breakups
but that's okay
because i know
she'll never leave me
my drug of choice
i ingest this drug
day in
and day out
each time i pick up
my pen
and paper
writing...
i just can't get enough.


050510

undeniable truth...

i never saw my life without you
and i won't start seeing it that way today
tomorrow, the day after that
it wasn't even a thought in my mind
on yesterday
i made my choice
a long time ago
when i realized
the truth.
that i love you
beyond what words
will ever be able
to express
and that is where i am
and will be
forever.

042210

the deception in looks...

everything…is never what it seems…

deep down, inside
she hates the way
she looks
but smiles anyway
to hide truth
the true story
behind the beauty
each night
she looks in the mirror
seeing a monster
sometimes it’s so unbearable
she gets ready for school
in the dark
MAC and Cover Girl
are her best friends
her hair, luxurious
flowing down to her back
but what you don’t know is
that same hair
she has to hold up
as the back of those
pearly white teeth
become stained
with vomit
each night
she sticks her finger
down her throat
to stay skinny
to stay beautiful
hoping…to be loved.

he’s on the corner
day in
and day out
posted…
looking for his next sale
his next hustle
his next big break
he’s a tough guy
of sorts
quick to snatch someone up
if they’re not acting right
he’s always had a reputation
for not taking any shit
his boys think he’s strong
he never wants to be seen
as less than
or weak
and the ladies love him too
willing to do
unspeakable acts
just for the satisfaction
of waking up next to him
when morning comes
but what they don’t know
is that each night
when he finally leaves
the corner
and retires to his sleep
he cries
because he has to sleep
with one eye open
and a gun under his pillow
the uncertainty of living
the life he chose
he says a prayer
for salvation
for deliverance
his faith, never wavering
hoping…that tomorrow will be
a better day

the deception in looks
brings the assumption of one’s character
pre-determined opinions
about who someone really is
without even knowing
their story…

so…what’s your story?


010210

peace.

(un)happy home...

this is a freewrite...enjoy

every night
she comes home
to a man
she's not in love with
yes, she loves him
but it's not the same
as it used to be.
it's like living
with a stranger
the person who once was
everything
is now...
close to nothing
the essence and wonder
of the love they shared
over the years
has dwindled down
to dry "good mornings"
or not even speaking
to finally end
with the space between them
in the bed
getting wider and wider
as each night passes
the remnants of
and (un)happy home.

everyday he wakes
hoping that his eyes
will meet
that beautiful smile
he once woke up to
each morning
warming, loving, gentle
he longs to feel
the sincerity
in the softness of her lips
each night
before he retires
to his sleep
a hope
that has become as silent
as the moments spent
eating dinner at the table
because that's what
they were used to doing
it has now become routine
not to say anything
not because neither of them
wanted to
but because
there was nothing else
to be said.
nothing else to do
but face the inevitable
of this (un)happy home.

each night
they dream
of someone else
living a life
very different
from the reality
their days and nights
are spent in now
forcing themselves
to live and be
together
because, right now,
no one wants
to face the truth
of loving someone
but not being in love
of failed attempts
at rebuilding
while each day
they constantly stare
at
the end
no one wants to
speak up
or pack their bags
they've invested too much time
energy, and other things
into what they have
so,
what is it exactly?
the foundation
of an (un)happy home.

122609

peace.

fix...

nothing in your life
is close
to being permanent
with the exception
of maybe
your name
but at times
your own identity
and self-worth are shaky
and the choices you make
often times
leave you with
those black spots
as you try and remember
what you did
the night before
but can’t
that large gray area
that could mean anything
under the sun, moon, and stars
as you search for the quick fix
that temporary high
that makes you feel loved
wanted, needed, and accepted
for the person you are
only to come down
frantically searching
for an even better fix
to make the feeling
of the last one
amplified
only to find out
maybe a little too late
that you might be searching
for the rest of your life.


from my next poetry book "untouched soul"

peace.

satisfied

she sleeps...
so perfectly in my arms
so peaceful
because she knows
that my arms
protect her
from the world
even when she's not
in my arms
i will always
make sure
that her wants, needs
and desires
are fulfilled
so she returns
to the refuge
and comfort
of my arms
completely
satisfied.