the other...

i finished my novel (including editing) recently and now i am going through the task of trying to decide how i want to publish it... i was thinking of promoting it more from an e-book perspective to get my momentum going, but i know some people want a hard copy in hand so i have to also consider a print version as well... i guess i'm just ready for it to be out... a little nervous, but ready...

i'm also working on other projects, going to school, and working 2 jobs... eh, the life of a writer...

peace.

Untouched Soul...

My second book of poetry, untouched soul has been published... I am more than elated about the book... It didn't take as long as the first one, probably because I was more prepared in terms of material, but every moment always feels like the first... I am blessed to be able to share this gift with the world...

My next project is getting my novel edited...and published...

peace.

Reflection...

I spent the holiday with my bio family yesterday...I made some observations and thought about how they applied to my life... These observations made me think, doubt myself, sad, angry, frustrated, confused, and everything in between...

Out of everyone in my generation, in my immediate family, I'm the only one without biological children...I have an aunt that doesn't have any kids, often I've wondered how she felt about it... I'm proud of myself and my transition, and I try to be prepared for everything that could happen...sometimes I'm not prepared for my feelings, but I try to work through them as best as I can... Don't get me wrong, I love the children that I have dearly...and they know it, but it was kind of hard being around my family, watching old home movies, and the pronoun/old name slip-ups... I saw my niece and nephew, both of my cousin's kids playing together and it just hit me...I have no kids for them to grow up with... It just made my mind go into overdrive, and it has carried into today...

Realistically, I have to protect my future family, my future kids will know me as their father and it is my choice to disclose to them about my life, but with my family, they will find some way to tell it for me... I don't regret my past, it helped make me who I was... But I'm going to come to a point in life that I won't want anyone to know... Self disclosure is up to self...I've been doing a lot of researching lately, contemplating the next steps in my life... I have so much positive things going on, and this shouldn't be something that I worry about... I'm going to love my kids, regardless. I'm going to adopt kids too... All children deserve a loving, nurturing, supportive family...I will be a great father...

This isn't the only thing that has crossed my mind within the last 24hrs...maybe I'll blog about the other stuff, maybe not... Either way, I'll be alright and everything will work itself out in the end...

peace.

new things ahead...

seems like i can't decide what this blog will actually hold... so i'm back to putting personal blogs on here... and maybe a few on tumblr... i will probably use this blog for publishing updates as well...

2011 is going to be a great year... for everyone...

my birthday is next saturday...12/11/10...the party is going to be epic...i'm so excited... i haven't had a real birthday party since i was little...lol...last year my brother and a friend came and we celebrated at my apartment...

i'm happy, grateful, and thankful to see any day, let alone another birthday...that is what's most important to me... as i get older, my perspective on life changes, so trivial things are not important to me anymore... i appreciate anyone who comes to my party but like i said, just being able to see the day is present enough for me...

i hope that everyone has a great rest of the year... don't forget to set some goals for 2011 and to write out a 2 year and 5 year plan...it will help you stick to your goals...

peace.

untouched soul...

the name of my second book of poetry is called "untouched soul"...i feel like it is a collection of poems that are deeper in content and emotions than "soulful eyes"...however, i will always have an attachment to my first book...i love it and will always love it... it's time to take my writing to the next level, and if you can't see the growth from then til now... i don't know what to tell you...lol

i'll keep you guys posted.

peace.

On This Earth...

I am not perfect
I am flawed
Maybe more than
I wish to acknowledge
I make mistakes
Over and over
Trying to learn from them
But never really grasping
The concept
Sometimes...
Until it's too late
I am human
Made in the image
Of something great
Only to spend a lifetime
Chasing that greatness
Often times falling short
But still making that effort
To do and be better
Than yesterday
I am a product
Of a shattered past
Searching for a love
That will bring me comfort
And a permanent peace
A calm to the chaos
That lies inside
Tucked away in my heart
The tumult
Secretly locked away in my mind
I am a man...
Born naked
Unaware, afraid, and needy
To search this life
And the lives before
For that piece of my soul
Left out on purpose
As a constant reminder
That to truly be complete
And continue
In love, happy, content
And have a peace
Everlasting
That I have to find my compliment
My companion, my life partner
To share this life with
The way the master plan
Has it laid out
No one ever told me
That this was going to be easy
So day and night
I fight for you
I fight for me
I fight for us
To have the chance
To live the rest of my days
Staring into your eyes
The closest to heaven
I'll ever be
On this earth.

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peace.

Dear Love...

Dear love…
I never thought
I’d ever feel this way
Again in life
Because the pain that I carry
Is so deeply embedded
In me
That you can’t even see it
You just feel it
I wear it like a cloak
Or maybe a ball & chain
Holding me down
While I attempt
To keep moving forward
Ready to hold you
In my embrace
To touch your face
Kiss your lips
Hold you close
And inhale your scent
Afraid to exhale
Because I never want
To let you go

Dear love…
I want to love you
To finally be able
To release myself
From the shackles
Of myself
I’ve held back
For so long
Because no one really
Appreciates me
Like you do
You bring out the best in me
When all I see
Is the worst in me
You inspire me
You give me a reason
To be a better me
For a better life
For us…


Dear love…
Let me love you
It’s all that I have left
To give…

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peace.