(un)happy home...

this is a freewrite...enjoy

every night
she comes home
to a man
she's not in love with
yes, she loves him
but it's not the same
as it used to be.
it's like living
with a stranger
the person who once was
everything
is now...
close to nothing
the essence and wonder
of the love they shared
over the years
has dwindled down
to dry "good mornings"
or not even speaking
to finally end
with the space between them
in the bed
getting wider and wider
as each night passes
the remnants of
and (un)happy home.

everyday he wakes
hoping that his eyes
will meet
that beautiful smile
he once woke up to
each morning
warming, loving, gentle
he longs to feel
the sincerity
in the softness of her lips
each night
before he retires
to his sleep
a hope
that has become as silent
as the moments spent
eating dinner at the table
because that's what
they were used to doing
it has now become routine
not to say anything
not because neither of them
wanted to
but because
there was nothing else
to be said.
nothing else to do
but face the inevitable
of this (un)happy home.

each night
they dream
of someone else
living a life
very different
from the reality
their days and nights
are spent in now
forcing themselves
to live and be
together
because, right now,
no one wants
to face the truth
of loving someone
but not being in love
of failed attempts
at rebuilding
while each day
they constantly stare
at
the end
no one wants to
speak up
or pack their bags
they've invested too much time
energy, and other things
into what they have
so,
what is it exactly?
the foundation
of an (un)happy home.

122609

peace.

fix...

nothing in your life
is close
to being permanent
with the exception
of maybe
your name
but at times
your own identity
and self-worth are shaky
and the choices you make
often times
leave you with
those black spots
as you try and remember
what you did
the night before
but can’t
that large gray area
that could mean anything
under the sun, moon, and stars
as you search for the quick fix
that temporary high
that makes you feel loved
wanted, needed, and accepted
for the person you are
only to come down
frantically searching
for an even better fix
to make the feeling
of the last one
amplified
only to find out
maybe a little too late
that you might be searching
for the rest of your life.


from my next poetry book "untouched soul"

peace.