satisfied

she sleeps...
so perfectly in my arms
so peaceful
because she knows
that my arms
protect her
from the world
even when she's not
in my arms
i will always
make sure
that her wants, needs
and desires
are fulfilled
so she returns
to the refuge
and comfort
of my arms
completely
satisfied.

Loving...

The ability to love someone else directly stems from being able to love and accept yourself first. Of course, one can pretend and go through the motions, but only that lasts for so long... When you love yourself wholeheartedly and 100% then you can manage loving yourself and someone else at the same time... Because when the love is reciprocated, it can be used as the strength you need to go through each day with your head held high, floating off the feeling and knowing that there is someone who loves you unconditionally, and you are capable of returning that love because you love yourself...

It's the love of others that can fuel or inspire you to do greater things in life...the simple fact of knowing that the future will be much better than the present makes life worth living. It makes each breath taken not seem in vain. True friends and lovers love despite everything...there are no conditions on love, either you do or you don't... And if you have the ability to put restrictions and conditions on the who, where, when, why, and how someone loves you, then you are truly missing out on the beauty of it...

Everyone is scared sometimes, it's a valid feeling...we must overcome that fear and love, even if it hurts... The more you love, the more you extend and expand yourself as a person, then you will be able to understand love on the many different levels... But first, you must love yourself enough to be able to use all your senses and realize the types of love you need, want, and desire... And also realize that the love you want may not be as nurturing and fulfilling as the love you need...

Everyone is equipped and capable of loving and being loved... We must love ourselves enough to open those doors and embrace the love we're given, but also be wary of the lust and negativity that can disguise itself as love... You have the right to know why someone loves you, just don't over analyze and/or scrutinize the relationship... It may be something as simple as someone listening while you talk, or calling to check on you... Or just being there no matter what...

Everyone in this world does not wish to see you happy and they do not have your best interest at heart...you must be able to read that in people and stay away from it, because they will try and break you down from the inside out... That's why there are so many damaged and broken hearts and souls wandering around now...

I can go on and on, but I'll close with this thought... Do something good for yourself everyday...love like its never going to end...feed off of the positive energy around you and get rid of all/everything that is negative and harmful to your spirit... Don't sell yourself short just because you fear a new love... The love has always been there, just waiting to be discovered, starting with the love that resides inside you...

Peace.

blind eyes...

i suffer...
sometimes.
i'm used to it
it reminds me that
i'm human after all
i realize
that i'm not immune
to the feelings
i feel
the thoughts
i think
and the emotions
that escape
my captive heart
and idle mind
i suffer...
sometimes.
because it puts
everything into perspective
and reminds me of
reality.
so i won't keep looking
at life
through blind eyes.

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peace.

Her...

i love her.
i know i do.
without a doubt in my mind
i know she is the one
i dream about her at night
it's the only time i dream
my mind is overcome
with thoughts of her
as it should be
she is my world
my future
my everything
the one i've been searching for
my whole life
i love her.
i know i do
too bad i don't know
who [she] is...

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*disclaimer* let's face it...i'll NEVER stop writing...i had a moment... *shrugs* i'm entitled to have one every once in a while...

peace.

Goodbye, writing...

I remember a time where I used to feel like writing was all I needed in this life... the only thing that made me happy and complete was my abililty to effectively transcribe my thoughts and feelings into poetry, short story, novel...whatever... my motto through life was...

"live to write...write to live...for me, it's like breathing..."

I drive myself insane time and time again because the words scatter across my brain in a state of madness until I focus myself enough to gather these words together and from them into whatever thoughts I needed to get out at the moment...the sense of accomplishment is still the same, no matter what I write...when I finish, I feel a sense of pride...proud because I know that this talent...this gift, as been fashioned throughout the years and is at is peak...I know that there are higher heights and a deeper level somewhere within me...sometimes I'm anxious to reach that level and to open up a new facet of myself... But in the back of my mind, I can't help but to think what will happen when I reach that level? What else will there be to surpass?

At the same time, I feel like it's my writing that is enabling me... in such a way that I live it everyday... I turned to writing because I had no outlet... no one to talk to as a child... it has hindered my ability to effectively communicate myself... with the exception of anger (which I have been working on and have gotten better at controlling), I have a hard time expressing how I feel, or it comes off as passive... I wish I could explain it to where it could be fully understood, but that is impossible... Sometimes I feel like I'm living a lie... what if the reality I live is just some story I'm writing in my head? I have a hard time facing the truth, even when it's in my face... it's cost me a lot... more a feeling of losing myself than anything or anyone else...

So... I've decided to stop writing for a while... I'm going to finish the novel, but after that, I'm done... there was a point in time in my life where I wrote one poem... I had a life...love...a family... I enjoyed things... I feel like, at this rate, I'm going to be some lonley writer whose sole purpose in life is to make people feel better about themselves, even if it takes me sacrificing myself... I've carried the burden of being that "someone" that everyone needs in their life... everyday of my life...

Let's see if I can live without it...

peace.