*my wedding gift to my best friend and her fiance'*
I love you
Forever and a day
Every time I look
Into your eyes
I am convinced
That we were meant
To be
Two lives
That crossed paths
At the perfect moment
To make one
To live, love, and be happy
With each other
Together
Forever.
With you I have found
That I can love someone
Other than myself
With as much intensity
And passion
As I love myself
And even more
You complete the sentences
Written by my mind
And conduct the songs
Written in my heart
And sung by my soul
There is no other place
That I’d rather be
Than with you
To have you as my wife
My partner, my companion,
And my life
I love you…
Forever and a day.
-Sean.
Brehanna and Takka Farley – June 27th, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
freedom in the eyes...
this is a poem from my 3rd or 4th book of poetry (haven't figured out the rotation just yet) called transItion (i, transition)...for my brothers...
freedom…in the eyes
freedom…
in the eyes
of the black man
is sometimes bleak
and unattainable
but most of the time
it is great
and well within reach
the ability to provide for
and protect his family
by any and all means
it is survival
being able to sustain life
on all levels
freedom…
in the eyes
of the black man
is strength
truth
knowing that
the Kings and Queens
that walk the earth
are the seeds that were
planted in the womb
of the black woman
the motivation and willingness
to lay the foundation
for the future.
061808
freedom…in the eyes
freedom…
in the eyes
of the black man
is sometimes bleak
and unattainable
but most of the time
it is great
and well within reach
the ability to provide for
and protect his family
by any and all means
it is survival
being able to sustain life
on all levels
freedom…
in the eyes
of the black man
is strength
truth
knowing that
the Kings and Queens
that walk the earth
are the seeds that were
planted in the womb
of the black woman
the motivation and willingness
to lay the foundation
for the future.
061808
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
do you remember this?
*this is from my old diaryland.com blog...eons ago...lol...but the feeling never dies...i posted this to see if [you] would remember... thank you for always being in my corner...it means so much to me...
Saturday, Jan. 04, 2003 - 9:10 p.m.
Have you ever had true passion for someone??? Not like sexual passion, lust, or infatuation...but passion to know more about them??
Passion for their mind?? Passion for their heart?? Passion for their soul??
Would you endure the unthinkable just to fulfill that passion?? Would you give up everything you were just to be by their side, because it means so much??
Would you allow your passion to fuel their passion to know more about you??
When you find your answers, will you let your passion die?? Would your quest be fulfilled...or are the possibilities of passion endless??
Have you ever sat and thought about what your true passions were?? Or how to go about quenching this hunger??
My passion is to know everything I can and more about you...I never knew that there was someone out there almost exactly like me...When I look at your pictures, in your eyes, I see my reflection...It's almost like a small piece of me was hidden inside of you, patiently waiting for our paths to cross...In a past life, we were destined to meet again...I was once your Osiris, and you my Isis...Overcoming every obstacle, victorious in every battle, doing the undoable...A valiant king, with you, my beautiful queen, by my side...Sitting at my right hand with the world under at our feet...And now...
I sit here wondering why sometimes I lose sight of the big picture...I settle for things that I know aren't good for me...and often times I push the important things and people to the back of my mind...Forgetting their importance in my life...forgetting the true meaning of their worth...All for what?? Lust...living out an imaginary life, with an imaginary wife who never loved me to begin with, only to end up with me heartbroken and beating myself up because of it...Insolence clouded my mind...my true perception of people and things was altered...I lost my PASSION for you...All the plans I had made wiped out by a caress that wasn't even true to me...And now...
I sit here wanting to say to much to you...but we haven't talked in so long, how would that make me look?? desperate?? alone?? needy?? My lack of communication has me sitting here writing in this diary now...No need in wallowing in my own self pity...The only thing to do now is make it better...to right the wrong within myself...But...
You probably forgot about me...moved on with your life...you probably think that the smile on the countenance that once admired your strength, your intelligence, your beauty, your elegance is just another "one of those types"...You probably found yourself in a love greater than what I could give you...Fulfilling your every want, your every desire...And now...
Here I am...wondering what could have been...searching for answers to my many questions...Like
Do you ever find yourself thinking about me from time to time??
Do you ever wonder if I'm thinking about you??
Could you see yourself being with someone like me??
What are your passions??
Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?? 10 years??
What inspires you to write??
What do you write about??
How long does it take you to get ready for work or school or to go out??
What keeps a smile on your face??
What's your favorite food??
And so forth...I think about you...I know it's hard to believe, but I do...Trying to do all my research and answer my own questions...fulfill my own passions...sometimes I do, mostly I don't for the one, simple, underlying factor...
My passion is you...
Saturday, Jan. 04, 2003 - 9:10 p.m.
Have you ever had true passion for someone??? Not like sexual passion, lust, or infatuation...but passion to know more about them??
Passion for their mind?? Passion for their heart?? Passion for their soul??
Would you endure the unthinkable just to fulfill that passion?? Would you give up everything you were just to be by their side, because it means so much??
Would you allow your passion to fuel their passion to know more about you??
When you find your answers, will you let your passion die?? Would your quest be fulfilled...or are the possibilities of passion endless??
Have you ever sat and thought about what your true passions were?? Or how to go about quenching this hunger??
My passion is to know everything I can and more about you...I never knew that there was someone out there almost exactly like me...When I look at your pictures, in your eyes, I see my reflection...It's almost like a small piece of me was hidden inside of you, patiently waiting for our paths to cross...In a past life, we were destined to meet again...I was once your Osiris, and you my Isis...Overcoming every obstacle, victorious in every battle, doing the undoable...A valiant king, with you, my beautiful queen, by my side...Sitting at my right hand with the world under at our feet...And now...
I sit here wondering why sometimes I lose sight of the big picture...I settle for things that I know aren't good for me...and often times I push the important things and people to the back of my mind...Forgetting their importance in my life...forgetting the true meaning of their worth...All for what?? Lust...living out an imaginary life, with an imaginary wife who never loved me to begin with, only to end up with me heartbroken and beating myself up because of it...Insolence clouded my mind...my true perception of people and things was altered...I lost my PASSION for you...All the plans I had made wiped out by a caress that wasn't even true to me...And now...
I sit here wanting to say to much to you...but we haven't talked in so long, how would that make me look?? desperate?? alone?? needy?? My lack of communication has me sitting here writing in this diary now...No need in wallowing in my own self pity...The only thing to do now is make it better...to right the wrong within myself...But...
You probably forgot about me...moved on with your life...you probably think that the smile on the countenance that once admired your strength, your intelligence, your beauty, your elegance is just another "one of those types"...You probably found yourself in a love greater than what I could give you...Fulfilling your every want, your every desire...And now...
Here I am...wondering what could have been...searching for answers to my many questions...Like
Do you ever find yourself thinking about me from time to time??
Do you ever wonder if I'm thinking about you??
Could you see yourself being with someone like me??
What are your passions??
Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?? 10 years??
What inspires you to write??
What do you write about??
How long does it take you to get ready for work or school or to go out??
What keeps a smile on your face??
What's your favorite food??
And so forth...I think about you...I know it's hard to believe, but I do...Trying to do all my research and answer my own questions...fulfill my own passions...sometimes I do, mostly I don't for the one, simple, underlying factor...
My passion is you...
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
life...
i was asked what was one thing that i want people to know about me... and my answer was simple "from the day i was born...i survived life..." so, this post will expand on that sentence...please bear with me... sometimes my feelings get displaced and scattered when i write, but i'll try to stay on task with this one...
when i was born...the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck and i was blue... not only that, the placenta had become detached from my mother's womb...the doctors told her that if i was born the next day, i wouldn't have made it...i guess that friday was my lucky day...i was 2lbs 7oz, small enough to fit in the palm of someone's hand, just about...with no real hopes and dreams, just struggling to make it to the next day... little did i know...that this wouldn't be the first obstacle, and probably not the last that i would face in my life... i was born premature...two months early, to be exact...i came home in feb of the next year, on my mother's 16th birthday... the start of a childhood that i was robbed blindly of...
as i grew up, i was promised that my mother and father would get married and he, my little sister, my mom, and i would be a family... that's why she gave me his last name... somewhere down the line, that didn't work out, and he ended up marrying another woman and having 4 children with her...they were...a family... he was the father to them that he barely was to us... then he fell off by the wayside and wasn't too much a father to any of us... but i survived...without him playing a major part in my life... my grandmother is my rock, always and forever will be... she made sure that my sister and i had everything we needed and then some while my mother ran the streets, getting high and doing who knows what else... it was rough growing up... seeing your clothes, shoes, tv's, and anything else of value walk out of the house... imagine being young and seeing the kids across the street with your brand new clothes on... clothes that you picked out and loved, but never go to wear... my mother put men above my sister and i... there were times where we wouldn't eat until my grandmother go home from work which would be close to 9 at night...
*note* this blog is not to throw salt on my mom or any of my family for that matter... it's just to get out my thoughts and feelings about what has happened in my past...*
my mother went to jail... the feds got her during a drug bust at the drug dealer's house up the street... i remember i used to play basketball on the court him and his sons built in their back yard every single day... my love for sports started young... we went to visit her while she was in the fed, and it looked like she was changing for the better... she got her GED, was into church, and even looked healthier... better than the skin and bones i was used to... i was proud of my mother that she was getting her act together, and surviving... little did i know that she would just revert back to her old ways when she came back home... *shrugs* i was used to it though... not seeing her for days and days at a time... or seeing her spaced out... aggressive, bug-eyed...crazy... i survived that part of my life... only to be sent through the ringer in my later years...
i wasn't a rambunctious child... i stayed to myself... started writing seriously when i was 9 years old... writing was my friend... the only thing i knew that would not let me down, because i knew that i would never let myself down... i guess that's just the sag in me... there is a period of my life that i am going to call *the gray area* just because... i will never talk about it on here... not that it's too painful...there's just a time and a place for everything... let's just say that it took some time for me to forgive those who wronged me in the ways that they did... but i survived every encounter...
i graduated high school with honors... and went on to college... where i fashioned myself into what i thought i should be, based on the viewpoints and opinions of others... knowing that in my mind and heart, that wasn't who i really was... but just doing it to get by... with the lowest amount of conflict and drama possible... all i wanted to do was just live and be me... but i couldn't' because i honestly didn't know who i was... i was a chameleon, for lack of better terms... i will admit that i assimilated and molded myself into what others thought i should be... that was one of my survival tactics... just do it for now... you won't have to do it forever... just to get to the next level... probably the wrong way of thinking, but it worked... in some areas...not all... but i've always held on to the fabric of who i was...the inner being...
my relationships suffered... a great deal... then things started spiraling out of control and one thing led to another... my girlfriend at the time left me for someone with a better job and more security...someone to keep a roof over her and my kids' heads... more stability... only to find out that it was a front... revealing a woman beater... but, she survived it and left, and i'm proud of her for that... i sacrificed a lot of things, all in the name of love... maybe a little too much... i got evicted from the apartment she left me in... ended up living with one of my co-workers and her boyfriend in a one bedroom apartment... before i moved in with them, i would stay with people on campus... or sleep in my car in one of the well lit parking lots... when it was time for me to go to work on the weekends, i would sleep in my job parking lot after everyone had left for the night... then wake up early and go get something to eat and act like i was coming from "my house" or wherever i was staying... when my residence was that same parking lot... that was 2005, the year i was supposed to graduate... needless to say, i didn't make it across the stage... my car was repo'd 3 months before graduation and i had no way to get back and forth because i barely knew how to ride the bus... my pride wouldn't let me... so i saved my money and got another car... charged fall 05 to the game and decided to keep it moving... because i had survived the lowest point in my life...
when my cousins, who were around the same age as me died in 2004 (mind you, i still to this day have not mourned them...), i asked myself, if i died today, would i be happy with the person i was? and my answer was always no... because i was never at a point of completion... sometimes i feel like i'm still searching for that point, but i know with the changes i've made in my life here recently, i am closer than i've ever been...
by holding on to who i truly was... and surviving life.
peace.
when i was born...the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck and i was blue... not only that, the placenta had become detached from my mother's womb...the doctors told her that if i was born the next day, i wouldn't have made it...i guess that friday was my lucky day...i was 2lbs 7oz, small enough to fit in the palm of someone's hand, just about...with no real hopes and dreams, just struggling to make it to the next day... little did i know...that this wouldn't be the first obstacle, and probably not the last that i would face in my life... i was born premature...two months early, to be exact...i came home in feb of the next year, on my mother's 16th birthday... the start of a childhood that i was robbed blindly of...
as i grew up, i was promised that my mother and father would get married and he, my little sister, my mom, and i would be a family... that's why she gave me his last name... somewhere down the line, that didn't work out, and he ended up marrying another woman and having 4 children with her...they were...a family... he was the father to them that he barely was to us... then he fell off by the wayside and wasn't too much a father to any of us... but i survived...without him playing a major part in my life... my grandmother is my rock, always and forever will be... she made sure that my sister and i had everything we needed and then some while my mother ran the streets, getting high and doing who knows what else... it was rough growing up... seeing your clothes, shoes, tv's, and anything else of value walk out of the house... imagine being young and seeing the kids across the street with your brand new clothes on... clothes that you picked out and loved, but never go to wear... my mother put men above my sister and i... there were times where we wouldn't eat until my grandmother go home from work which would be close to 9 at night...
*note* this blog is not to throw salt on my mom or any of my family for that matter... it's just to get out my thoughts and feelings about what has happened in my past...*
my mother went to jail... the feds got her during a drug bust at the drug dealer's house up the street... i remember i used to play basketball on the court him and his sons built in their back yard every single day... my love for sports started young... we went to visit her while she was in the fed, and it looked like she was changing for the better... she got her GED, was into church, and even looked healthier... better than the skin and bones i was used to... i was proud of my mother that she was getting her act together, and surviving... little did i know that she would just revert back to her old ways when she came back home... *shrugs* i was used to it though... not seeing her for days and days at a time... or seeing her spaced out... aggressive, bug-eyed...crazy... i survived that part of my life... only to be sent through the ringer in my later years...
i wasn't a rambunctious child... i stayed to myself... started writing seriously when i was 9 years old... writing was my friend... the only thing i knew that would not let me down, because i knew that i would never let myself down... i guess that's just the sag in me... there is a period of my life that i am going to call *the gray area* just because... i will never talk about it on here... not that it's too painful...there's just a time and a place for everything... let's just say that it took some time for me to forgive those who wronged me in the ways that they did... but i survived every encounter...
i graduated high school with honors... and went on to college... where i fashioned myself into what i thought i should be, based on the viewpoints and opinions of others... knowing that in my mind and heart, that wasn't who i really was... but just doing it to get by... with the lowest amount of conflict and drama possible... all i wanted to do was just live and be me... but i couldn't' because i honestly didn't know who i was... i was a chameleon, for lack of better terms... i will admit that i assimilated and molded myself into what others thought i should be... that was one of my survival tactics... just do it for now... you won't have to do it forever... just to get to the next level... probably the wrong way of thinking, but it worked... in some areas...not all... but i've always held on to the fabric of who i was...the inner being...
my relationships suffered... a great deal... then things started spiraling out of control and one thing led to another... my girlfriend at the time left me for someone with a better job and more security...someone to keep a roof over her and my kids' heads... more stability... only to find out that it was a front... revealing a woman beater... but, she survived it and left, and i'm proud of her for that... i sacrificed a lot of things, all in the name of love... maybe a little too much... i got evicted from the apartment she left me in... ended up living with one of my co-workers and her boyfriend in a one bedroom apartment... before i moved in with them, i would stay with people on campus... or sleep in my car in one of the well lit parking lots... when it was time for me to go to work on the weekends, i would sleep in my job parking lot after everyone had left for the night... then wake up early and go get something to eat and act like i was coming from "my house" or wherever i was staying... when my residence was that same parking lot... that was 2005, the year i was supposed to graduate... needless to say, i didn't make it across the stage... my car was repo'd 3 months before graduation and i had no way to get back and forth because i barely knew how to ride the bus... my pride wouldn't let me... so i saved my money and got another car... charged fall 05 to the game and decided to keep it moving... because i had survived the lowest point in my life...
when my cousins, who were around the same age as me died in 2004 (mind you, i still to this day have not mourned them...), i asked myself, if i died today, would i be happy with the person i was? and my answer was always no... because i was never at a point of completion... sometimes i feel like i'm still searching for that point, but i know with the changes i've made in my life here recently, i am closer than i've ever been...
by holding on to who i truly was... and surviving life.
peace.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
