Doubt...

i don't know
who you are anymore
it gets harder
to say
that when i look at you
in the mirror
each day
that i see the person
who i've been
all this time
because i honestly
don't know who he is
hidden deep
underneath layers of adapting
assimilation
adjusting, agreeing, acquiesing
and appeasing
stuck at a point
of being in between
seeing him
seeing her
seeing them
each time i look
in the mirror
i don't even know
who you are anymore.

070509

Proposal...

Eyes exchange
Personified notes
Sneaking away in fantasies
Unlocked in the mind
By feelings felt
From deep within
Feelings that bleed
From the heart
In between the staggered
Staccato like beats
As I stare
Into
Those eyes...
Palms begin to sweat
I think I'm nervous
But yet...
I have to remember
Not to forget
My lines
I rehearsed them
Day and night
Waiting for this moment
Mind in torment
Hoping that your response
Would be
The release
To my soul
Held captive
By a consciously
Unconscious thought
Inconspicuously hovering
Over me
Like the night shadows
That loom
When the sun clocks out
And the moon clocks in
For the night shift
I held back this feeling
For so long
Countless days of courting
Endless nights of love making
Making the love we share
A connection
That surpasses the lust filled
Undertones of sex
Visions of a family
As you give birth
To the seeds
That will carry on my legacy
Pictures of perfection
That have lead us to
This moment
When I stare into
Those eyes
Take a deep breath
Inhaling your spirit
As you exhale
Take your hand and ask,
Baby, will you marry me?

101609

boomerang...

as the cool summer breeze
surrounds me
engulfing me in an embrace
of comfort
and reassurance
i let go of us
putting everything into the wind
to give to the universe
and now
i wait patiently
for you to come back
to me.
even though i know
you never left
i've always carried you
with me
and i always will...
close to my heart
where you belong
with your love resting
next to my soul.

101209

To my brother...

Rest in Peace... It's crazy that it's been a whole year, but the world has never been the same since you left... You will be forever missed...

Kapri Funderburk
05/30/82-10/11/08

Gone, but never forgotten.

Obviously...

My heart doesn't always process things
The way my mind does
Sometimes they agree
And other times they are at odds
Or at each other's throat
Because everybody wants
To get their point across
Obviously, each feels that its more important
Than what the other has to say
At times I find difficulty
Trying to decipher
Which one of the two is right
Obviously my thoughts
Make me rational
And my feelings
Make me human
So they clash when its time
To meet in the middle
Traveling down the road of uncertainty
Of curiosity
Of wonder
Heart felt emotions
Overshadow logic sometimes
Forcing me to choose between the two
Obviously, I'm alone in this choice
A choice that I've been making
From day one
Hoping that my unanswered questions
Will get an honest answer
Or maybe form into statements
That I hold on as a friendly reminder
That obviously...
My thoughts have often lead me astray
And obviously my feelings
Are not good enough.

Creation...

"God made woman from man...so that she would always be apart of him & know what is needed to make him better"

-Sean

The Allure...

The voice
In my head
Is telling me
That I need
To get my shit
Together
And be a man
About it
Asking all these
Questions...like
Why did you do it?
Why did you say that?
Where were you when...?
Why didn't you do more?
And
What are you going to do about it now?
All questions
That I can't
Thoroughly answer
I don't have a rebuttal
With any kind of substance to it
Other than
I don't know
I could scream my dedication
Off the highest building
Write infinite poems and sonnets
Or even simply...
Just say how I feel
Attempting to communicate
Through the hidden barrier
That now lies between us...
But what does that solve
If the outcome is not
What it's supposed to be
Nothing more than a misguided soul
Stuck with a bunch of
Unanswered questions
What if's
And shoulda, coulda, woulda's
Traveling on a road
Of uncertainty
And instability
Hoping that tomorrow
Holds something much better
All in the name
Of love.

090109