Reflection...

I spent the holiday with my bio family yesterday...I made some observations and thought about how they applied to my life... These observations made me think, doubt myself, sad, angry, frustrated, confused, and everything in between...

Out of everyone in my generation, in my immediate family, I'm the only one without biological children...I have an aunt that doesn't have any kids, often I've wondered how she felt about it... I'm proud of myself and my transition, and I try to be prepared for everything that could happen...sometimes I'm not prepared for my feelings, but I try to work through them as best as I can... Don't get me wrong, I love the children that I have dearly...and they know it, but it was kind of hard being around my family, watching old home movies, and the pronoun/old name slip-ups... I saw my niece and nephew, both of my cousin's kids playing together and it just hit me...I have no kids for them to grow up with... It just made my mind go into overdrive, and it has carried into today...

Realistically, I have to protect my future family, my future kids will know me as their father and it is my choice to disclose to them about my life, but with my family, they will find some way to tell it for me... I don't regret my past, it helped make me who I was... But I'm going to come to a point in life that I won't want anyone to know... Self disclosure is up to self...I've been doing a lot of researching lately, contemplating the next steps in my life... I have so much positive things going on, and this shouldn't be something that I worry about... I'm going to love my kids, regardless. I'm going to adopt kids too... All children deserve a loving, nurturing, supportive family...I will be a great father...

This isn't the only thing that has crossed my mind within the last 24hrs...maybe I'll blog about the other stuff, maybe not... Either way, I'll be alright and everything will work itself out in the end...

peace.

new things ahead...

seems like i can't decide what this blog will actually hold... so i'm back to putting personal blogs on here... and maybe a few on tumblr... i will probably use this blog for publishing updates as well...

2011 is going to be a great year... for everyone...

my birthday is next saturday...12/11/10...the party is going to be epic...i'm so excited... i haven't had a real birthday party since i was little...lol...last year my brother and a friend came and we celebrated at my apartment...

i'm happy, grateful, and thankful to see any day, let alone another birthday...that is what's most important to me... as i get older, my perspective on life changes, so trivial things are not important to me anymore... i appreciate anyone who comes to my party but like i said, just being able to see the day is present enough for me...

i hope that everyone has a great rest of the year... don't forget to set some goals for 2011 and to write out a 2 year and 5 year plan...it will help you stick to your goals...

peace.