Love...really?

i know i'm slacking on these blogs, but i have a lot going on in my so called life, so please bear with me... once everything settles down, i'll try to blog more frequently, hmmm let's say once a week...lol

but, this blog is a long time coming... just a small reflection of myself... one of many...but this should give you a little insight to what goes on in my head...so, here goes... *disclaimer* this is my personal blog, this isn't for you...this is for ME...to sort out these thoughts and feelings, and i could give a fuck less what you think...thanks, mgmt* now that that's over...on to this blog...

ever since my first relationship after coming out, i've always been someone's "other"...as in the person was either involved, freshly broken up, or somewhere in the middle... you would think that after all these years i would have learned my lesson, but clearly it seems like this is just going to be a part of me that i won't be able to shake... now, let me just say that i am NO home wrecker... i don't even plan for these types of things to happen... now, i will admit, that a couple i did say, "yeah, i want her, or i'm going to have her," and set my sights on her and did what i needed to do to get her... but overall, i never meant to be someone else's "other"... now, with the exception of the recent ex, even though she was a little crazy, she was not in a relationship with anyone, and she was ALL MINE... i mean, with the others, they eventually were mine, but having a relationship w/someone who is either in a relationship, freshly broken up, or somewhere stuck in the middle is not a walk in the park... the shit is frustrating at times... but, that's just love for you...

i haven't been in one of those relationships in years, but when i sat and thought about the "why" factor, i can only think of one thing... i try my hardest to be that person that others need in their life... friend, confidant, shoulder to lean on...just to let them know that someone will always be there for them... i've ended up w/my heart broken more times than i'd like to admit, but shit happens... i don't seduce, coerce, force, bribe, buy, con, or anything else to be with these people... don't get it twisted... my personality is enough... you can ask them if you like... = ) - i'm sure there will be a consensus in that department... true, we may go out from time to time, but it's just friendly... then, somewhere along the way, friendly crosses the line, and when it does, i don't know how to go back... so we end up being together... breaking up and then going back to being friends... but the WHOLE time, whether friends or lovers, i've always loved them...with all my heart...

maybe it's the "idea" of me that they are curious about... i'm no mystery, but i don't exactly tell all my business either...

idk, maybe one day i'll figure it out... i may edit this later... who knows

peace.